to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Slut skills are useful in every country.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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