ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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