I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
