my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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