i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
God I need to hump something, right now.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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