Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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