tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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