You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she looked like the before picture.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
