Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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