So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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