you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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