before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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