I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
