Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Fuck appropriateness.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
