Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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