Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
