Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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