What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
