my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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