I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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