This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
