I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm both gender and math confused
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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