So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
