i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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