Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
