Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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