yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
foreskin is a definite game changer
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
