Apparently you make a good broom.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
operation harelip BJ is a go
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
