you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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