Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
