She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
