i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
