My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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