She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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