Soap is not a condiment
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you would pick up someone in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize