Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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