I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
