i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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