I wish I only lived at night.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
