his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
