Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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