wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
