dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
