when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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