Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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