but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
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I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
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The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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