the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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