Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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