Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
