Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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