Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Randomize
