I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
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Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
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I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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