dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
