Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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