Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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