She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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