Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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