Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize