why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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