Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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