No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
