Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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