Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
