I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Randomize
