thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
