Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
